Squashing a Spinacktigen
by SilverCat63
Summary: Everyone has a first day as the new kid. This is Ianto's first day with Torchwood Three. Better hope he's not afraid of spiders! Rated for language, guns, violence, pre-slash, hints at Janto, and disgusting imagery.
1. Chapter 1 Late for Work

**Author's Note:** I was digging through half-forgotten folders on my computer and found this. Originally, it was part of an multi-chaptered story that was supposed to track the epic love of Jack and Ianto so if it feels like you've missed something, don't worry about it because there was nothing to miss. The first four chapters of the original story will never see the light of cyber day. Now, let's watch Ianto's first day kick Gwen's first day's butt!

**_Pronunciation Note - Spinacktigen sounds kinda like spin-ack-tih-gehn, all short vowel sounds (I think. I dunno, I was terrible at phonetics!)._**

_**TW TW TW**_

Ianto Jones was late for his first day of work. He'd planned and plotted his way into Torchwood Three and now, when all of his plans were coming together, he was late for his very first day. _Not the best way to impress a man who was reluctant to hire you_, Ianto thought grimly as he hurried the length of Roald Dahl Plass. He'd meant to be here an hour before this, but he'd overslept after the excitement of catching the pterodactyl last night, and then something had gone wrong with Lisa's life support, and he'd had to fix it before he left.

Now, Ianto was flushed and just a little out of sorts as he hurried to the tourist office that was the secret entrance to Torchwood Three. He'd never been inside the building before and was more than a little curious about what was inside. He knew that Torchwood never did anything half way. It would probably look just like any other tourist office in Cardiff, but Ianto couldn't erase pictures of chained alien captives beneath the counter from his mind.

Pausing just outside the door, Ianto straightened his tie and jacket. With a final deep breath, he put his hand on the door knob, opened the door and walked inside. He blinked, almost blind in the dim light, and glanced around. The room around him was undoubtedly a tourist office. There was absolutely nothing to indicate that this was the entrance to a super secret organisation dedicated to fighting aliens. The walls were lined with posters for various destinations, and piles of bright brochures were everywhere.

A woman was seated behind the counter with an open book in front of her. She didn't look at Ianto as she said, "You can go in. Jack's been expecting you."

"Um, thanks," Ianto muttered. The woman's hand disappeared beneath the counter and suddenly, a section of wall was swinging open.

Trying to appear cool and professional Ianto went through the secret door. A badly lit stone corridor stretched before him. The door behind him closed softly, making him glance nervously at it. At the end of the corridor was a lift. As he walked towards it, the doors opened, and Ianto stepped inside. The lift started down, and he took another deep breath, nervously straightening his tie again. A moment later, the doors slid open, and Ianto stepped out on slightly shaky legs.

Somehow he made his way down a short corridor then through a large cog-shaped door and a metal cage. And then he was in! Ianto Jones was standing inside of Torchwood Three.

A loud, familiar squawk reached his ears, and he looked up. The pterodactyl that he had helped Jack catch was flying around the tall ceiling. _Now Jack has two guard dogs_, Ianto thought as he took in his surroundings.

The first thing he saw was an Asian woman buried behind a large bank of monitors. She glanced over at him and gave him a small, friendly smile before turning back to whatever she was staring so intently at. Beyond her were a few workspaces heaped untidily with stacks of paperwork, coffee mugs and other garbage. On the other side of the room was a small, walled off office, and there was Captain Jack Harkness. Seated behind a large desk, he was holding a phone to his ear with his shoulder while he scribbled busily on a pad of paper.

Suddenly he looked up and saw Ianto standing by the entrance. A thousand watt grin spread over his handsome face as he beckoned Ianto closer. _Come in to my parlor, said the spider to the fly_._ If only I could tell who was the spider and who was the fly,_ Ianto thought grimly.

Trying not to show how nervous he was, Ianto made his way carefully through the mess to stand in front of Jack. He tried not to overhear what the other man was saying.

"Yes, general. I know that, sir, but I can't tell the aliens to stop blowing stuff up. . . I know that's my job, and let me remind you that it's not the easiest job in the world either!" Jack suddenly jerked the receiver away from his ear, and even Ianto could hear snatches of the general's tirade. Jack rolled his eyes expressively at Ianto before speaking again. "Yes, general. Thank you, sir. It's been a pleasure talking with you. If you would excuse me, sir, my team and I have a mess to clean up."

With that, Jack slammed the phone back in it's cradle and let out a long breath. "Generals! They always think that anyone not wearing a uniform is stupid and there to be shouted at."

Ianto chuckled. "Yes, sir. Though UNIT's uniforms are very nice – especially those berets they wear."

A sudden gleam appeared in Jack's eye. "So you've met UNIT before?"

"Yes, sir. Torchwood London collaborated with them a few times."

"Ah." Jack leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. For a moment, he simply looked at Ianto, who did his best to remain impassive. "So what exactly did you do with Torchwood London?"

"Mostly research. The teams would encounter something in the field and it was my job to see if we'd ever run into anything similar."

"Any field experience?"

"Not really sir, though I did have some basic training. Standard procedure and all."

"I see. So most of your time was spent behind a desk?"

"Pretty much, sir." Ianto tried to look nonchalant about his lack of experience. "I was also the office's designated coffee maker."

Jack's eyebrows rose at that. "Not surprising if your coffee was anything like what you've been bringing me."

Ianto smiled. "It was better. Torchwood London was very thorough and only bought the best of everything."

"Would you mind continuing in that capacity here?"

"Certainly, sir." Ianto clasped his hands behind his back. He'd been hoping for something besides being the tea boy, but at least he was _Torchwood's_ tea boy. "Would I have any other duties, sir?"

"I think you said it very well last night. We need a jack of all trades around here." Jack's gaze never left Ianto's face. "A butler, if you will."

Ianto felt his face fall a tiny bit before he regained control. "Of course, sir."

"OK then. Any other questions?" The American practically jumped out of his seat and flew around the desk. "No? Alright, let's get you settled in and introduce you to the rest of the team!"

Jack took Ianto's arm and propelled him out of the office. "This is Toshiko Sato, technological genius. This girl can hack any network faster than you can blink."

"Jack, I'm not that good!" The Asian woman who had smiled at Ianto when he first came looked up from her work. She was very pretty, didn't look like the expert hacker type. "Welcome to Torchwood."

"Tosh, this is Ianto Jones. He brews the best coffee in this solar system. Used to work for Torchwood London."

"Nice to meet you." She held out her hand for Ianto to shake. "I'm afraid I prefer tea."

Ianto smiled apprehensively. "I can make tea, too. Though it might not be quite as good."

"That's OK, I'll manage." Toshiko smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me. I'm working on a new translation programme, and I'm almost finished."

Jack chuckeld indulgently. "Sure, Tosh."

"Who's the newbie?" A male voice asked.

Jack turned to face the speaker, pulling Ianto with him. "Ah, Owen. I'd like you to meet Ianto Jones, the newest member of our team."

A wiry, monkey-faced man in a lab coat stood with his arms crossed. He was giving Ianto a very appraising look that made Ianto glad he hadn't worn one of his pink shirts or ties that morning. Red and pink were some of his favorite colors, but he'd opted for a more sober grey shirt and navy blue tie that morning. "Doctor Owen Harper, medical officer to Torchwood Three."

"Nice to meet you." Ianto stepped forward and held out his hand. Doctor Harper just looked at it before deliberately turning to Jack.

"Jack, I just finished analyzing a tissue sample from that paramedic's brain. It's the same chemical signature as the others. We are dealing with a _very_ angry Spinacktigen."

"Thanks, Owen. We've gotta catch this son of a bitch before he kills again. Tosh, can you show us where every victim has been found - maybe we can track this thing to its lair. Suzie, help Owen mix up a sedative. I want this thing alive."

Ianto hadn't notice the other woman come in, but apparently Suzie was the woman who worked in the tourist office. She was very pretty, with dark skin and curly black hair. He thought she looked vaguely Indian or Middle Eastern or even Italian.

Suddenly, Jack was speaking to him again. "Ianto Jones, this is Suzie Costello, my second in command. Suzie, this is Ianto, Weevil and pterodactyl catcher extraordinaire."

Suzie gave him a small nod before walking over to join Owen. "Have we ever dealt with a Spinacktigen before?"

"No," Jack answered. "They have come through the rift before, but that was decades ago."

"So what are we going to do about it?" Owen didn't like taking orders apparently.

"We're going to track this thing to its lair, sedate it, drag it back here to the vaults and clean up the mess it's no doubt left for us." Jack turned icy eyes on the doctor.

"C'mon Jack! We're talking about a very large, spider-like creature, who can kill us with the tiniest scratch!"

"What's the matter, Owen? You're not afraid of spiders, are you?" Toshiko appeared from behind one of her many monitors.

"Hell yes! Normal spiders are OK - I can squish those. But I think it'd be a bit difficult to squish a spider the size of a dog, don't you agree?"

"Just get a very big newspaper, Owen, and you'll be fine. Now get to work!"Jack turned back to Ianto. "Sorry 'bout all this. This thing came through the rift a couple of days ago and has already killed a half dozen people."

"It's fine," Ianto assured him. "Do you have the anit-venom for these things?"

"There is no anti-venom, at least not that we've found."

"Torchwood London was working on one. We had one turn up about a year ago and go on a bit of a killing spree. Our scientists were trying to find an anti-venom before the battle. I was filing some of the paper work from the experiments when the Cybermen showed up." He said it all in a big rush, hoping he didn't sound too pompous or something.

"Really? You wouldn't happen to remember anything from that paper work would you?" He had Jack's full attention now, and Ianto was pretty sure Doctor Harper was glaring at him, too.

"Uh, not much really. Just something about compound B67. Some whiz kid had figured out that something in that compound neutralizes a small amount of the poison just enough to stop it from killing you. You still end up getting very sick, but at least you're alive to be sick."

"Retcon?" Owen piped up incredulously. "You can't be serious."

"Leave him be, Owen!" Jack and Owen obviously didn't get along. "Go on, can you remember anything else?"

"Well, just that you don't have to ingest the stuff. It should be applied topically and possibly subcutaneously. I didn't get a chance to read it all."

"That's rubbish!" Ianto decided that he didn't like Owen.

"But it couldn't hurt. Suzie, make us some Retcon paste. Owen, after you finish with the sedative try and make us an injectable form of Retcon." Jack's voice cracked like a whip. "Toshiko, how's that map coming?"

"Almost done, I just need to finish up a few things and – there we are!"

Jack hurried to her side. "That's great! Let's see, so all the victims were found around here?"

"Yes, I've even color-coded them according to the approximate time of day when the victim was attacked. There's a couple of abandoned buildings there, perfect place for a lair."

Jack planted a quick kiss on Toshiko's cheek. "I knew I didn't hire you just for your looks. Why don't you show Ianto around for me? I have some more phone calls to make, and then we're all going Spinacktigen hunting."

"Sure!" Tosh left her desk and came to stand by Ianto, who was feeling quite out of his depth in all the hustle and bustle. "Confusing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, sort of," he muttered.

"We must be much smaller than London," Tosh said. "Surely it was busier there?"

"Oh, much smaller - not that that's a bad thing! It's just that well, I worked in more of an office setting," Ianto tried to explain. "Things could get pretty crazy there sometimes, but not like this."

"Well, you'll get used to it." Tosh smiled warmly. "And it's not always this busy. Usually, we only have one incident a week or so. And then it's not very major, just a locate and retrieve type of thing."

"Oh, that's good to know." Ianto looked around. "So uh, does anyone ever clean up around here or um, anything?"

"Sometimes, when the mess gets so bad we can hardly move. I suppose we spend so much time cleaning up after aliens we can't be bothered to clean up after ourselves."

"I see. But doesn't the mess bother you?"

"Well, yeah. I suppose it does. Does it bother you? Like, are you some kind of neat freak or something?" Tosh was looking at him kind of strangely. Ianto felt himself start to blush.

"No, I'm not. I just don't see what use I'm going to be here. I thought maybe if I could clean up after you lot or something," He trailed off, not wanting to give Toshiko the wrong idea.

"Like a maid or maybe a butler?"

"Yeah, sort of, I guess."

"Oh, you'll be fine! You'll be fitting in in no time." Tosh was giving him a dazzling smile now, and Ianto couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks, Toshiko. So where's the coffee pot? It seems that's what Jack wants me for."

"Call me Tosh. And I wouldn't be surprised if Jack has something else in mind." Her eyes got very wistful all of a sudden. "Anyway, the kitchen is right over here."

Tosh led the way to a small alcove that was almost as messy as the workspaces. The only thing that wasn't obliterated by junk was the coffee pot. If you could call it a coffee pot. All it really was was a cheap plastic and glass affair that used ground coffee. Ianto couldn't help but shudder, especially when he saw the container of coffee grounds sitting next to the pot. He wasn't sure that the black, no doubt strong, liquid in the pot could even be called coffee.

"This is your coffee pot?"

"Yeah, it works."

Ianto shook his head. "No wonder Jack likes my coffee. Do you think he would mind spending a bit of money on some equipment and the like?"

"No, I don't think so. We have a pretty big budget, and there's usually lots to spare. But you'll just have to ask him." Tosh looked thoughtful. "What were you expecting?"

"Well. . ." He tried to think of a polite way to say it. "Not grounds from a can, that's for sure."

"Hmm, I really wouldn't know the difference. Like I said, I prefer tea."

"What type?"

"Well, mostly green tea. I spent a few years in Japan and got a taste for it there. But any tea is pretty much fine." So, Tosh was Japanese. That made sense.

"Do you just use teabags?"

"Yeah, just whatever you can get for a few quid from the local market."

"Don't you miss drinking real tea though?" Ianto asked.

"Sometimes, yes. I treat myself every so often." Tosh looked wistful. "There are a few places here in Cardiff where I can get a decent cup of gyokuro."

_Right,_ Ianto thought. _Maybe the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach, too._ He made a mental note to research green tea as soon as possible. Ianto glanced around the so-called kitchen, and he saw an untidy heap of pizza boxes. "So do you order take out a lot, then?

"Yes, someone gets something almost every day." Tosh must have seen what he was looking at and she anticipated his next question. "Jubilee Pizza is right around the corner on the other side of the Plass. The food's decent, and so is the price. I think Jack just likes to hit on the delivery person. He's usually the one who orders, and he's the one who waits in the tourist office for it."

Ianto smiled at the thought of Jack and his 'pheromones.' "I'll bet he does."

"So you've heard about our Captain Harkness up in London?" Owen was back. Ianto winced.

"Well, just a little bit. Torchwood London did have some records, you know." Ianto tried to sound nonchalant about it. In fact Torchwood London had extensive files on Captain Harkness and Torchwood Three; he knew because he had spent days sifting through smoldering debris trying to find them.

"So you know that he'll shag just about anyone then?" Owen's tone was sharp.

"Not anyone, Owen," Tosh practically whispered. "You just have to be really good looking."

"Sort of like the tea boy here, you mean?" Owen busily poured himself a cup of the so-called coffee. Ianto felt himself blush and opened his mouth to reply, but Tosh beat him to it.

"Owen! I'm sure Jack didn't hire him for that. He helped Jack bring in that pterodactyl last night and the Weevil a couple of weeks ago! Jack wouldn't hire him just for a shag!" Tosh was blushing too.

Owen smirked. "If you say so, love."

Ianto and Toshiko were left standing as Owen sauntered off to what ever dark hole he had crawled out of. Tosh was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. "Sorry about that. Owen isn't always the nicest, but he's alright once you get to know him."

Ianto didn't trust himself to speak so he just nodded. Another awkward silence ensued as Tosh fiddled with the hem of her shirt and Ianto glanced around at the mess again. He was half way through a mental to-do list when his thoughts were interrupted by a loud shout from Jack.

"Ok, boys and girls! How're we doing? Everybody ready to go squash a spider?" The American was standing in the doorway of his office, practically bouncing with excitement.

"Nearly there!" Called Owen. "I just have to pack up this Retcon juice and I'll be ready."

"I've got the paste!" Suzie appeared suddenly. "Is everybody going, Jack?"

"Yeah."

"Even the tea boy?"

Jack glanced lazily in Ianto's direction. "I said everybody. The sooner he gets his feet wet, the better."

Suzie looked like she'd dearly like to argue but she didn't. "So who's going to be babysitting him then?"

"I can take care of myself!" Ianto spoke up. He tried to look confident and tough, but he didn't think it worked.

Suzie snorted. Jack looked like he was about to laugh. "Ianto, you're with Suzie. Suzie, keep an eye on him. We don't want anything to happen to him on his first day."

"Right." Suzie didn't look pleased at having pulled babysitting duty. "OK, tea boy. Let's get you some gear."

Setting his face in an impassive mask, Ianto followed Suzie and lost himself in the adrenaline he felt begin to pump through his veins. He didn't notice the appraising look on Jack's face. He was too busy listening to the instructions Suzie was rattling off and trying to ignore the looks Owen was throwing his direction.


	2. Chapter 2 Squishing a Spider

**Author's Note: **Did my pronunciation note help anyone at all, or was it just really confusing? And what'd you think of it so far? Good, bad, ugly? Please tell me?

_**TW TW TW**_

Fifteen minutes later, Ianto was squished into the back of the black Torchwood SUV. He fingered his new equipment nervously. Suzie had given him a headset, a torch and a gun before hustling him out of the cog door behind the rest of the team. The headset was standard issue, and he'd had a similar one when he worked for Torchwood London. The gun, however, was completely new to him.

He'd gone through basic self defense and weapons training when he joined Torchwood two years ago. But that was a long time ago, and Ianto felt more comfortable behind a desk than he did behind a gun. He hadn't dared to say anything when Suzie handed him the weapon, and now he wondered if he should have said something or if he should just accidentally loose the thing before he hurt someone.

He never got a chance to make up his mind because Tosh was soon calling out, "Here! This is it, all the attacks surround this general area."

Jack, who was driving, quickly pulled over and parked. "OK, Tosh and Owen check out this building. Ianto, stick to Suzie like your life depends on it."

Owen laughed. " His life _does_ depend on it!"

Jack just glared at the medic. "Suzie, you and Ianto have the building on the left. I'll take the building on the right. Keep in contact, you see anything you call it in. Each group has some Retcon, right?"

"Right," everyone chorused.

"OK, let's go!"

Torchwood Three split up and disappeared into the dark warehouses. Ianto followed Suzie closely, eyes flicking nervously around the dusty shadows. "So, what exactly am I looking for?"

"A spider-like creature about the size of a dog with fangs dripping poison. Don't let it bite you; a tiny amount of venom is fatal." Suzie's voice was tight as she turned on her torch. She had drawn her gun and was swinging the light and her weapon from side to side.

Realizing he should do the same, Ianto pulled out his own torch but hesitated before drawing his gun. "So does it spin a web or something?"

She glanced back at him. "Yeah, sort of. Just look for a luminescent blob. Did you forget your gun?"

Cursing silently, Ianto drew his gun and copied Suzie. He couldn't quite remember how to hold it, and he hoped he wouldn't have to shoot. "Alright, then. So it should be easy to find."

"Yeah." Suzie was scanning the darkness anxiously. "Can you smell that?"

Ianto sniffed. "Smell what?"

"That -" He never heard the rest of what Suzie was trying to say because he suddenly tripped over something in the dark and fell to the ground, bruising his knees. The next second, a foul stench surrounded him and Ianto gagged, trying not to be sick. He must have made some noise because Suzie whirled suddenly, pointing her gun and torch at him.

"It's OK!" Ianto held up his hands, gulping hard. "I just tripped on something."

He picked himself up, retrieving his torch and gun. As he did, he noticed a fuzzy looking lump. Still trying not to be sick, he shone his torch light on it. "Oh, god."

He had tripped over the carcass of some stray animal. It had swollen until it resembled a furry balloon. The fur was peeling off to reveal a red and black mottled skin. The legs where pointing out straight from the body. A few flies buzzed lazily around the corpse.

Suzie's voice shook as she spoke into her headset. "Jack?"

"What?" The American's voice came over the headset.

"We've got a carcass here."

"Any signs of a bite?"

Suzie gestured with her gun, and Ianto sighed. "We're checking right now."

She gestured again, and Ianto reluctantly bent to examine the grisly object. He couldn't see anything resembling a bite. Gulping down his breakfast, he turned the thing over. Another wave of stench hit him, and he retched – then retched again. Clapping a hand over his mouth, Ianto stared in horror at what he had revealed.

There was a large, sticky looking brown patch on the poor animal's side. Several dark holes in the middle of the patch looked suspiciously like a spider bite. The flies buzzed loudly in Ianto's ears, competing with a strange roaring sound.

He could vaguely hear Suzie reporting to Jack. "Yeah, it's got bite marks. This was definitely a Spinacktigen victim."

"OK, you all heard that?"

"Yeah, loud and clear," Owen replied. "We haven't seen anything over here yet."

"I want everyone to be extra careful. The Spinacktigen has to be around here somewhere." Jack's voice was grim. Ianto could barely hear the last bit because his stomach heaved suddenly, and he bent over, losing his breakfast on the concrete floor.

Suzie waited for him to finish, speaking as he wiped a shaky hand across his mouth. "Can we go now? I don't want to hang around."

"Yeah, let's go." Ianto forced himself to stand up. His mouth tasted horrible, and his head was swimming with the combined stench of the animal and his own vomit. "The sooner we're out of here the better."

Suzie led the way deeper into the warehouse. Ianto kept himself busy shining his torch around, making sure to illuminate the ground in front of him every once in a while. They encountered three more swollen victims as they pushed deeper. Suzie reported all of them to Jack. Ianto was pleased to note that even her voice was shaking by the time they found the third corpse, which looked suspiciously like a tabby cat.

The tense silence was broken by the sound of Tosh or Owen reporting every few minutes. Jack remained silent, only speaking when spoken to. No one else was finding anything, and Ianto couldn't help but comment about it.

"Looks like we're the lucky ones."

Jack must have had the same idea because a second later his voice came over the headsets. "Tosh. Owen. I want you two to meet up with Suzie and Ianto. The Spinacktigen has probably made its home in their warehouse. I'll go 'round the back, see if there's another door."

"Right," Owen answered. "Be there in a sec, Suzie."

"OK," Suzie acknowledged. She turned the comm. off and spoke to Ianto, "So, how's your first day so far?"

"Fine - exciting." Ianto scanned the darkness nervously, was something moving out there?

"A bit more exciting than sitting behind a desk doing research, I'll bet."

"A bit," He admitted, turning suddenly. "Did you hear that?"

Suzie glanced nervously towards the sound. "It was probably a rat."

"A rat?" Ianto couldn't believe what he was hearing. "There's a great big spider alien out there and you say it's a rat?"

"I can hope, can't I?" Suzie turned to look over his shoulder. "Tosh and Owen are here. Maybe it was them."

"Yeah - or Jack. There it is again!" Ianto spun, trying to locate the source of the noise.

"Suzie?" Tosh's voice echoed eerily.

"Over here!" Suzie called, "There's something moving in here! Be careful!"

"Right." Owen's voice was even scarier than Tosh's.

The noise came again, closer this time. _It sounds like a giant beetle,_ Ianto thought. _Or a giant alienspider!_ The scuttling continued, circling the two humans. Drawing ever closer. Suzie tried to track it, gun at the ready. Ianto clumsily followed suit, praying that Suzie was a good shot.

"Jack," Suzie said quietly, "I think we've got it. Something's circling us, checking us out."

"Be careful!" Jack's voice was unnaturally loud in the silent warehouse. "Don't let it bite you, we're not sure if Ianto's Retcon anti-venom works. And I don't wanna find out."

"Right, we'll be careful."

Ianto eyed Suzie nervously. She appeared unshaken by the fact that a deadly alien was stalking her.

Suddenly, the scuttling was closer than ever before. Ianto spun, trying to locate it. Then he felt something run into his legs, knocking him off balance. He couldn't help but cry out as he felt himself falling. "Ahhh, Suzie!"

"Ianto! Where is it?" Her voice was rising higher.

"Here!" The scuttling noise was back, and Ianto felt _something_ run over him. Trying not to panic, he hauled himself to his feet, waving his gun wildly. He could hear Tosh and Owen calling in the background. Then the Spinacktigen was back. Ianto spun. It was to his left.

His torch light briefly illuminated a shiny brown body. Before he could fire or call for Suzie, it disappeared. Heart pounding, he listened. It was moving somewhere behind him. Ianto turned, it was coming again! The thing came on like a train. Ianto caught it in the beam of his torch again.

The alien really did look like a spider. It was a shiny brown color with stiff little bristles covering it's segmented body. Ten claw-tipped legs propelled it toward its victims. Four pincers gnashed threateningly beneath faceted eyes. Ianto stared. The eyes were a brilliant ruby red, and they shone malevolently in the torch light. The sound of Suzie shouting snapped him out of his trance.

"Ianto! Shoot! Forget what Jack said – kill it!"

Ianto raised his gun in a shaking hand. Taking a deep breath, he pointed it at the thing. His finger curled back, tightening on the trigger. The sudden blast when the gun fired nearly knocked him over. The Spinacktigen gave a high, keening cry as one of its many legs disappeared. Dark ichor splattered to the floor as the creature hissed in pain and backed away into the darkness.

"Good shot!" Suzie was next to him now and a moment later Tosh and Owen were too.

"Did it get you?" Owen anxiously scanned Ianto, looking for any sign of a wound.

"No, don't think so," Ianto panted. He took stock of his injuries: bruised knees and elbows, wounded pride and a slightly sore stomach where the alien had run over him. "I'm fine, it just bruised me."

"You sure, fatal venom and all that?" Owen's hands twitched, wanting to examine the Welshman himself.

"Sure, I'll be alright in a couple minutes." Ianto changed his opinion of Doctor Owen Harper. The man may sound like a twat, but there was a heart buried under all the barbs.

"What happened?" Jack came jogging out the darkness, gun at the ready.

"Ianto had a little run it with the Spinacktigen," Tosh explained.

"Literally," Ianto muttered ruefully.

"You OK?" Jack peered at the newest member of his team, looking like he wished the newbie had stayed safely at the base.

"Fine," Ianto replied.

Jack looked around. "Where is it now?"

"It ran off," Suzie said. "But not before the newbie shot off one of its legs."

"Nice, but where has it gone?" Jack turned to Ianto, expecting an answer.

"I don't know, sir," Ianto replied, "But it was bleeding or whatever after I shot it. We should be able to track it."

"Even better! Where was it? I don't want a pain crazed Spinacktigen ravaging the streets of Cardiff."

"There." Suzie pointed with her gun. Jack went over and knelt down, peering closely at the floor.

"You're right. It's bleeding, pretty heavily too." Jack stood up. "But it won't bleed for long. We can only hope that its nest isn't too far from here."

Without another word, the Captain started off into the gloom, torch pointed at the ground. Suzie was right behind him. Tosh lingered, waiting for Ianto.

"You really are OK? Aren't you?" She asked as she fell in behind him.

"I'm fine, Tosh. Honest." Ianto turned to smile at her. "It just gave me a few bruises to remember it by."

"OK." Tosh still sounded worried, but she didn't say anything else.

The team tramped along in silence with guns at the ready, torches swinging and ears cocked, listening for the slightest sound. Ianto could feel his bruised knees protesting as they walked further and further into the gigantic warehouse. He was definitely gong to remember the Spinacktigen. A sudden noise made him spin suddenly, but it was just Tosh. She had stumbled upon another one of the alien's victims.

This one looked like it was half eaten and much older than the ones Ianto and Suzie had found before. Tosh looked like she might be sick, and Ianto rushed back to her. Pulling her away from the disgusting remains, he tried to encourage her. "C'mon Tosh, just keep going. It's worse if you hang around."

"I know, it's just so horrible." Tosh was taking deep breaths through her mouth. "And it actually _eats_ those!"

"I know," Ianto said and let go of her arm. "I don't think I'm going to be eating any meat for awhile."

Tosh let out a shaky laugh. "Me neither! But you'd think I'd be used to it by now."

"Hey! Keep it down back there!" Jack's voice came floating back to them.

Ianto flinched guiltily, feeling like the teacher had caught him talking during class. Tosh pulled a face at him, making him smile. The walk continued in silence. They were nearly to the back of the warehouse now. Ianto hoped the Spinacktigen had stayed in the warehouse. He didn't want to go chasing it all around the city.

"Over there!" Owen hissed, pointing with his torch. Everybody turned, trying to see what it was.

Ianto could see a small, dim light on the far side of the building. A pile of broken crates hid most of the light, and Ianto remembered Suzie telling him to look for a luminescent blob. He was willing to bet that it was behind those crates. Jack started walking again, and everyone followed him like ducklings. Jack noticed.

"Spread out!" He hissed. "I don't want it to get away again. Owen, give me the sedative."

"But -"

"No buts! Give it to me." Suddenly, Jack chuckled. "Hey, Ianto! Do you think the chocolate trick will work again?"

"I don't know, sir. And besides, I haven't got any more chocolate. I left it in my other suit!" That made everyone laugh a bit as they edged towards the faint light.

"Damn, I could murder a chocolate bar right now," Tosh whispered. "The pterodactyl likes chocolate?"

"Yeah, I think so," Ianto answered. "At least, that's what some field agents from Torchwood London said. And it seemed to like it well enough last night."

"No talking!" Jack hissed. "Let's not let the wee beastie know we're coming."

Ianto could hear his heart beat in the silence that ensued. It seemed to be drumming unnaturally loud, or maybe he was just imagining it. Either way, the dull _thud-thud_ blocked out the small sounds the team made as they closed in around the pile of crates. The light was brighter now, and Ianto imagined he could hear the alien hissing pain over its severed limb.

He stopped when Owen stopped, about two metres away from the crates. He glanced to his right, looking for Jack and instructions. He could barely see the Captain as he holstered his gun, the syringe full of sedative clamped tightly in his mouth. A faint rustling noise told Ianto that he was removing his large, heavy coat.

Suddenly, Jack's voice came over the comm. "Alright, I'm going in. Don't let the bugger get away. Shoot it if you have to, but don't let it get away! Ianto, stay back and guard my coat."

Ianto heard Owen move to take the coat from Suzie and sighed as the doctor passed it to him. Jack's voice came over his headset, but no one else seemed to hear. "Ianto, I'm sorry. Keep alert, but let the others handle this, OK?"

"But -" Ianto protested softly, not wanting to alert the others to their conversation.

"Look, you say you love the coat." Jack's tone was serious, but Ianto felt like laughing. "Besides if you make sure nothing happens to it, then you won't have to take it to the cleaners or repair it."

"Yes, sir," Ianto said. He dropped back, out of the human circle that surrounded the alien. Tosh and Owen shifted, compensating for the gap. Ianto clasped the greatcoat tightly, nerves jangling with the tension. He couldn't help but notice the coat smelled almost as good as Jack did, and he had to fight the urge to lift it to his face and inhale deeply.

"OK, everybody ready?" Jack was using the headset to speak to everyone again. "I'm going to try talking to it first. I'll leave my headset on so you know what's happening."

"Right."

"OK."

"Be careful!"

"Good luck!" Everyone answered. Ianto felt foolish for saying 'good luck,' but it seemed right and no one said anything. The pheromones were really strong, and Ianto found it hard to concentrate as he listened to Jack edging forward.

No one made a sound until Jack said, "Bingo! It's here, curled up in front of its nest."

Nothing for a few seconds then, "Hi there, li'l fella! Wanna come home with me?"

A faint hissing sound echoed through the darkness. Ianto tensed, concerned for the owner of the coat, and the pheromones, that he was clutching so tightly.

"It's OK! I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to make you go to sleep." Jack was talking to the Spinacktigen again. "And when you wake up, you'll have an unending supply of rats to eat. How's that sound?"

More hissing, only louder this time. Jack must have been pretty close for it to come through that clearly. Ianto tensed and struggled to hold onto the coat and his gun at the same time. Sighing, he folded the coat and draped it over his left arm, keeping his torch and gun in his right hand. He didn't doubt Jack's ability to subdue the creature before it got to him, but he didn't want to be unprepared.

Suddenly, the sounds of a scuffle echoed in the silent warehouse, and Jack's grunts rang through four headsets as the team held its collective breath. A loud, pained cry came from Jack immediately followed by a high keen from the alien.

"Look out! It's loose!" Jack was shouting over the comm. "I got the sedative into it, but it hasn't taken effect yet."

Ianto dropped the coat, wincing as he thought of cleaning it later. He gripped his gun in both hands as he heard the alien skitter unevenly in the darkness. It definitely seemed to be moving more slowly than before, but he couldn't tell if it was because of the missing leg or the sedative.

He had no more time to think because the creature suddenly loomed out of the darkness, right in front of him! Ianto gripped his gun more tightly, bits of his training beginning to come back to him. The Spinacktigen kept coming, but it was definitely slowing down. Ianto hesitated. He didn't want to kill it if it was about to pass out, but he didn't want to chance that it would pass out in the three metres or so that still separated them.

Ianto gritted his teeth. There was nothing for it. He would have to shoot. He only hoped that his aim was good and the thing wouldn't suffer or he wouldn't miss it entirely. Taking a deep breath, he tried to remember more of his training as the alien came closer. Trying not to flinch, Ianto pulled the trigger. The shot boomed out into the darkness, making him jump.

He was disappointed to see that he hadn't hit the Spinacktigen. His shot had hit the floor just in front of it, leaving a deep score in the concrete. The spider-creature started to retreat, hissing in fear. It wavered, hissed some more, and then collapsed into a slowly twitching heap on the floor. Ianto was stunned. Maybe his bullet had ricocheted and hit the alien after all. The rest of the team came up, guns trained on the motionless shape.

"Ianto, you OK?" Jack came strolling up.

"Fine. I think I shot it." His voice quivered in surprise and fear.

Jack nudged the creature with his foot before bending down to check on it. "No, you didn't shoot it. The sedative just kicked in."

"Nice shot." Owen's voice was laden with sarcasm. "Jack, are you alright? Did it bite you?"

"Nope." Jack looked up. "I thought I told you to keep my coat safe, Ianto."

Embarrassed, Ianto bent to retrieve the garment from the floor. He brushed absently at the dirt and cobwebs that stained it. Noting older stains, he silently promised the coat a trip to the dry cleaners as soon as possible.

"We heard you scream, Jack. If that thing bit you - " Owen didn't finish his sentence.

"Owen, I'm _fine_. The Spinacktigen didn't bite me. I'm not trying to be tough. If anything was wrong, I would let you know." Jack stood up. "If you don't believe me, look at me!"

He turned in a slow circle, arms spread wide. "Do you see any bite marks?"

"No."

"Then I'm fine!" Jack faced Owen, hands on his hips. "Now, help me carry this thing out to the SUV. Suzie, you've got the bag?"

"Right here." Suzie stepped forward and handed Jack a dark sack.

"Alright. Owen, you and I are going to get this back to the Hub. Tosh, you get to deal with the authorities. Tell them it was kids or whatever." Jack fought a still twitching limb into the sack Owen was holding open for him. "Suzie and Ianto, you get to stay here and clean up after this fella."

The creature was tucked safely in the bag and Jack heaved it up, staggering a bit with the weight. They all made their way back out into the bright, early afternoon sunlight. Ianto could hardly believe that the sun was still shining. He'd expected it to be evening by now. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was only 12.30! His stomach rumbled, reminding him that breakfast was a long time ago and that he'd lost most of it on the warehouse floor.

Thinking of the putrid corpses waiting inside for him made Ianto shudder. He didn't doubt who would have the job of cleaning those up. Suzie would probably clear the nest out and make him comb through the rest of the warehouse for any of the Spinacktigen's victims. Sighing, he reminded himself that he wanted this job. That he needed it for Lisa's sake.

Jack dumped the unconscious alien in the back of the SUV. Suzie handed him a roll of black trash bags and a hazmat suit. "Guess what you get to do!"

"Corpse patrol?" Ianto asked dully.

"Right." Suzie grinned, trying to look cheerful. "I'll clean up the nest."

"Right."

"Don't worry, I'll come help you once I'm finished. Make sure you wear the suit, rules and all that. Here's a head lamp, you can't hold the torch and pick up the stiffs at the same time. When we're done, strip your suit off and put it in one of the bags. They'll go in the incinerator back at the Hub."

Ianto let the instructions wash over him. It was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3 The End of a Long Day

**Author's Note:** Well, this is it. The end. It was kinda short, but fun. Thanks to everyone who added it to alerts and the three reviewers. Hope you enjoyed it!

_**TW TW TW**_

"Ianto?" Suzie Costello's voice rang in Ianto's ear, and he jumped involuntarily before hurriedly turning his comm. on.

"Yeah?"

"I've run out of smelly things to pick up, how about you?"

"Uh -" Ianto swept his torch around one last time - "Same here."

"Right, we're done then." After a long afternoon's worth of labor, Suzie still sounded full of energy. Ianto wondered how she did it.

"OK, so what do we do now?"

"I'll call Jack and give him a progress report. By the time we get everything together, someone should be here to pick us up."

Ianto almost felt like jumping for joy. He would be glad to be shut of the place. "Alright then. I'll see you out front."

He turned his headset off and stood for a moment. His first field assignment with Torchwood Three had been a success. He hadn't embarrassed himself, and he'd survived several run-ins with an angry alien. Ianto thought the day was going pretty well. Of course, he hadn't come out unscathed. He had several bruises from his tussle with the Spinacktigen, and his back was screaming from an afternoon of bending over to pick up rotting animals.

He tried not to groan as he heaved the black industrial strength bin bag onto his shoulders. He would love to go home and take a whole bottle of painkillers before sinking into his soft armchair with a cup of his favorite coffee. But of course, Ianto didn't have his armchair anymore. It was packed away in storage until he could find a flat in Cardiff, and he couldn't get a flat until he had a better hiding place for Lisa.

Now that he was working for Torchwood, Ianto would hopefully be able to smuggle his girlfriend into the Hub. She would be safe there, and Ianto was sure that there was something hidden in the archives that could help him save her. It was only a matter of time before he found it. And he would find it. Ianto had promised Lisa that he would save her, and he always kept his promises.

Suzie was already waiting for him when he stepped out into the fading sunlight. The cleanup operation had taken longer than he thought. Jack's second in command barely acknowledged him as he came to stand by her. He noticed that she was no longer wearing her hazmat suit, and Ianto remembered the instructions she had given him when they started cleaning up. Quickly, he stripped off his own suit and stuffed it into the bag at his feet. He was pleased to see the heavy material had kept his street clothes clean and relatively pleasant smelling. Maybe there was some good in the rules and regulations after all.

He was just about to say as much to Suzie when the Torchwood SUV pulled up. The window rolled down, and Jack stuck his head out. "Somebody call a cab? Need any help with your luggage?"

"No, we're fine," Suzie said. She picked up her bag and walked to the back of the SUV, waiting impatiently as Ianto hurried to copy her and then slamming the door shut almost as soon as he let go of his bag. No one said a word as Suzie and Ianto climbed into the car, and the ride back to the Hub passed in silence.

Once he had parked the car, Jack spoke up. "Ianto, you 'n' me are gonna take this garbage to the incinerator."

"Yes, sir." Ianto climbed out of the car and watched as Suzie disappeared after muttering something about paperwork. He was surprised when Jack took charge of one of the black bags; he'd thought he'd have to haul both bags himself.

Jack started talking as he led the way. "It's standard procedure to incinerate all biological evidence of any aliens. This'll be your job once you learn the ropes."

"Yes, sir." Ianto could barely keep up with the older man.

"Call me Jack. 'Sir' sounds like you're my butler." The American looked back over his shoulder, green eyes laughing.

"Aren't I your butler, sir?" Ianto was panting now. He hadn't realized he was so out of shape.

"No, you're not." Jack opened a heavy metal door. "You're a valuable member of my team. They all call me Jack and so should you."

"Alright – Jack. So just what am I going to be doing as a 'valuable member' of your team?"

"First of all, you're going to learn to shoot properly. I saw you in the warehouse today. Second, I'd really appreciate it if you would care to share your wonderful coffee with us. We'll take care of the rest when we come to it." They finally reached the incinerator, and Jack explained the antique controls to him.

On the way back up, Ianto decided to fulfill the promise he'd made earlier that day. "Uh, about that coat of yours."

"What about it?" Jack eyed him suspiciously.

"Well, I couldn't help but notice it doesn't look like it's been to the cleaners since it was made." He tried to keep his tone neutral. Jack obviously loved his coat.

"I had it cleaned back in the nineties!" Jack looked kind of guilty.

"If you don't mind paying extra for it, I could take the coat now and have it back to you tomorrow morning. I know a very good cleaner that offers an overnight service."

"You sure they're good?"

"The best, sir." Ianto wondered if the coat was a family heirloom or something. Tt looked very old, and Jack was way too protective of it for it to be just an ordinary coat.

"OK, why don't you take the rest of the day off then? The paperwork can wait 'till tomorrow." Jack finished speaking just as they reached the main Hub.

"Thank you, sir. But I actually wanted to talk to you about some things." Ianto followed Jack to his office. Now was as good a time as ever to ask for some new coffee equipment.

"What's on your mind?" Jack flopped into his chair and put his feet up on the desk, gesturing that Ianto should take a seat.

"Well if you want the best coffee, then you're going to need better um, equipment than what you're currently using." Ianto chose to remain standing. Jack said he didn't consider him a butler, but Ianto knew his place. "If you could lend me the expense account, I would be happy to purchase the necessary supplies."

"What's the matter with the coffee pot we have?"

Ianto struggled to keep his face straight as he explained, "Sir, my parents had a coffee pot just like that when I was a kid."

"So? It still works," Jack said defensively.

"I'm sure it does, sir. I just want to update the pot, the one you have is disgusting and probably doesn't keep the coffee very warm any more." Jack shifted guiltily as Ianto pressed on. "I'll also need to purchase fresh coffee and a grinder. There's no telling how old that stuff is, and it's probably stale."

"The coffee's pretty new, I think Suzie just bought it. And what do we need a grinder for?"

"If you grind the beans yourself, it makes the coffee taste better." Ianto sighed when he saw the look on Jack's face. "Trust me, I know coffee."

Jack stared off into space for a moment, obviously thinking hard. "Well, seeing as I don't have to pay for it – OK. Buy whatever you want."

"Thank you, sir. You won't regret it, I promise," He said, as Jack handed him a credit card. "I'll take your coat now and be on my way."

"See you tomorrow, Ianto." Jack tossed his coat at Ianto before he leaned back in his chair again, "Any chance of some of your coffee tomorrow?"

"Of course, sir." Ianto carefully folded the coat over his arm, getting another face full of Jack's pheromones. Then he turned and walked out.

Tosh smiled at him as he went past her desk. "Is he letting you go early, then?"

"Not exactly," Ianto said. "I've got some errands to run for Jack."

"Ah, I see." Tosh's smile made him wonder just what it was she was seeing. "Well, I'd better not keep you then. See you tomorrow!"

"See you." Not bothering to say good-bye to anyone else, Ianto left.

He dropped Jack's intoxicating coat off at the dry cleaners before driving to his favorite coffee house. There he purchased a new coffee pot along with a grinder. He hesitated a moment before deciding what coffee beans he wanted. He suspected that the team was used to unspecified garbage from a can and would be fine with whatever he chose. Smiling happily, he decided a dark Arabian coffee and a lighter shade grown Brazilian variety.

He glanced wistfully at the expresso machines on his way out. Ianto thought it best to go easy on Jack at first. He didn't want to push the man too far on something as ridiculous as coffee. He would wait a few months before quietly suggesting it to Suzie or Owen and let them bring up the subject with Jack. Of course, he wasn't really sure if there would be room for all the new equipment in the tiny space Torchwood Three called a kitchen. He'd have to see about that tomorrow.

Mind whirling with schemes, Ianto drove home. Lisa's unconscious form was waiting for him as usual, and he couldn't resist giving her a peck on the cheek as he passed. Today had been a good day, and he hoped that his luck would hold. His plan was working out nicely, and for the first time since he found Torchwood Three, Ianto felt like everything might just turn out all right.

_The End_

_**TW TW TW**_

**Disclaimer:** Torchwood and the characters belong to Russel T. Davies and the BBC. I am not either of those parties, therefore this is not mine. I wrote this for fun, not to make money. Please don't sue a penniless music student.


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